“Hello…who is this? Oh hey…long time. Yeah I’m good. …Dinner? You miss me? Naw, I won't be able to do that. What? No… I’m not seeing anybody. Yeah I am different, very different. Look I’m over it….over you…. You know what? You can just stop talking now, because your words don’t hold the same weight. You take care okay. Bye”
Your words used to make my day, if our morning talks went great, so did my day. If you were in a nasty mood, I couldn’t focus right until we made it right. I couldn’t wait to hear your opinion, because I valued it above my own. If something went wrong, I knew I could depend on you and you were the first person I called on, without hesitation. You were my better half. (So I thought) I planned my day around you, what you liked, where you wanted to go. Not like I don't have my own opinion, but I wanted to spend my time with you, so if we did what you liked….I knew you would be there. At least I thought you would be there….What did I do wrong? What did I say? I gave you space, I know I did, because I arrange my schedule around yours. When you needed me to do anything for you, I did the best I could….maybe it wasn’t good enough. Apparently, I wasn’t good enough….
But look at me now…I’m not even tripin’ over you. The funny thing is; I didn’t think I could function right without you in my life and you ain’t even all that! The best part of all of this is, I didn’t replace you with another person. You know how some people jump from relationship to relationship, trying to get over there ex. I took time out to fix me, get me together and I came out of my darkness. I NOW understand what Paul wrote in 1Corinthians, about putting away childish things. I was a child when I dealt with you, that’s why I put you away.
I’m not even mad at you; I’ll take all the blame. I was looking to fill a void that you or anybody else couldn’t fill. I put all my hope in a relationship, how silly was I? I realize that I didn’t know how to receive love, because I didn’t love myself. I couldn’t love myself, because I didn’t love God, my understanding of His love was so small; I put His love in a box, with limitations of this world. Thinking that God was mad at me, and I didn’t deserve to receive love, but instead He was madly in love with me, with all my mess.
But now…I know I am loved. I know who I am. All those empty parts in my life are now filled, not by the things of the world, but by the love of God, a never ending agape kind of love. I stopped trying to figure it out and just allowed myself to be loved by God. And by His love I am transformed, renew, not by what I've done, but by what He has done for me. I’m FREE , my past is OVER and I’m moving FORWARD!!
Your words used to make my day, if our morning talks went great, so did my day. If you were in a nasty mood, I couldn’t focus right until we made it right. I couldn’t wait to hear your opinion, because I valued it above my own. If something went wrong, I knew I could depend on you and you were the first person I called on, without hesitation. You were my better half. (So I thought) I planned my day around you, what you liked, where you wanted to go. Not like I don't have my own opinion, but I wanted to spend my time with you, so if we did what you liked….I knew you would be there. At least I thought you would be there….What did I do wrong? What did I say? I gave you space, I know I did, because I arrange my schedule around yours. When you needed me to do anything for you, I did the best I could….maybe it wasn’t good enough. Apparently, I wasn’t good enough….
But look at me now…I’m not even tripin’ over you. The funny thing is; I didn’t think I could function right without you in my life and you ain’t even all that! The best part of all of this is, I didn’t replace you with another person. You know how some people jump from relationship to relationship, trying to get over there ex. I took time out to fix me, get me together and I came out of my darkness. I NOW understand what Paul wrote in 1Corinthians, about putting away childish things. I was a child when I dealt with you, that’s why I put you away.
I’m not even mad at you; I’ll take all the blame. I was looking to fill a void that you or anybody else couldn’t fill. I put all my hope in a relationship, how silly was I? I realize that I didn’t know how to receive love, because I didn’t love myself. I couldn’t love myself, because I didn’t love God, my understanding of His love was so small; I put His love in a box, with limitations of this world. Thinking that God was mad at me, and I didn’t deserve to receive love, but instead He was madly in love with me, with all my mess.
But now…I know I am loved. I know who I am. All those empty parts in my life are now filled, not by the things of the world, but by the love of God, a never ending agape kind of love. I stopped trying to figure it out and just allowed myself to be loved by God. And by His love I am transformed, renew, not by what I've done, but by what He has done for me. I’m FREE , my past is OVER and I’m moving FORWARD!!
Ephesians 2:3-5
3Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
4But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
5Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved ;)
Thank you for this Word today. It came at the right time and it's a Word with purpose. I have been really stressed and really feeling horrible this weekend, but this was the assurance I needed, to know that He has me in mind in all that He does... Thank You LORD!!!!
ReplyDelete